My Max…

One of the most important people in my life, and one of my main guides, is Max. Many people of the Christian beliefs would consider him a guardian angel. I consider him another sort of spirit guide or a familiar of some sort.

The story behind Max’s part in my life is one that I now hold dear.

It all began the summer of 1985, the year my younger brother was born. I had been long-distance dating a young man nearly a year my senior for about 4 years. I thought I loved him, and would have done anything for him. For our anniversary, we went to see a movie, then left the movie early for what would become one of the worst nights of my life.

In a nutshell, I was date-raped and became pregnant. He didn’t even walk me home afterward. Nor did I ever hear from him again. And then, on 27 September 1985, I miscarried the child. Because of the trauma of the situation, I blocked all of this out of my conscious memories. And I never told anyone what had happened, not even my family. I was ashamed.

Then on 27 September 1989, I let a spirit into my life during a very depressed moment of my life. For 7 years his spirit was with me [I only knew he was male] before I ever knew the reason for his nearness. I was terrified of his presence, thinking I’d let an evil entity into my life that wouldn’t leave me alone. I’d had many offers of ouija boards to discern his identity, but I always declined, not wanting him to know what I was doing.

In October 1997, 12 years after the miscarriage, thanks to the help of Abigail, the spirit in my first scrying pendulum, I finally learned of the rape/miscarriage. At the same time, a very good friend made inquiries of her “house ghost” about this spirit following me. She knew nothing of the history between me and this entity, only that it was male and following me for several years. She came back and I learned that this spirit’s name was Max, that he was with me to be a friend when I needed one, to watch over me. And then I learned that he was the spirit of my miscarried son.

With a little guidance, I was later able to meet and hold the baby-form of Max in a guided meditation. I could feel his weight in my arms, smell his baby scent. And I was able to help integrate him into myself, into my psychic defenses. I have never held against him any anger about the circumstances surrounding his conception. Ever since, he has been with me, always with me.

He is a very special part of my life, and I love him very dearly.